Sunday, October 12, 2008

Grant Morrison Moderates a Presidential Debate

"When the superluminal dimensional barrier shatters, leaking Bleed ubermenstruum into our world, and other worlds of the multiverse, how will you handle the shadow demons, and quite possibly a further collapse of other alternate parallel realities into this one? And secondly, will you endorse the use of fictionsuits for gay couples to at least pretend they can be married?"

"To be honest, Grant, I'm a maverick. And I don't believe in pulling out of anything I'm in the middle of, you understand what I'm saying? That said, my running partner, Sarah Palin, she lives in Alaska. She can see the Bleed from her house. And if anyone knows how to handle a leaking Bleed, it's a woman. That's why Sarah Palin and myself know that in order to keep America the shining light of the world, of freedom and democracy, we need to be prepared to handle any ubermenstuum spillage with the soft, gentle lining of America's army. America must always be at the forefront of the battle to protect our nations, to maintain that shining light for the rest of the world to see. Sarah Palin raised two children on her own, she's more than capable of keeping that sweet ass of hers at my side for a little interdimensional battle with Shadow Demons.

"As for those gay people, we'll feed them to the Demons first."

"There's a change coming, Grant. And we need to understand that in order to embrace this change, we're going to have to learn to erase the lines that divide the dimensions. There's no black, white, Earth-2 or 616. We're all in this together.

"That being said, any attacks on our borders must be met with equal force. And while our intentions will be diplomatic, the best offense is a good defense. We need to keep the peace at all costs, but sometimes the dark side will come calling, and when they do, we will be prepared for them. Senator Biden and myself have had lengthy discussions as to the very situation you've described, and while an interdimensional war is not good for anyone, there are times where it cannot be avoided. The Bleed will run rampant, and we will have to repair it for the good of our people, and for the good of all America.

"On the subject of gays, I have no problems with gay marriage. But if I had my way, I'd have the world's lesbians hit the TrimSpa hard, get some fake boobies, and make out on the White House lawn in red, white and blue thongs. That's the American way."

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