Datablog: If You Want Blood, You Got It

Welcome to the Datablog. This week we speak of X-Men.

I firmly believe that if you want to see how good a writer truly is, and by good I mean flexible, you should put them on an X-Men book and stand back for the results. If the results are either (A) passable, or (B) something pretty damn cool, you've got a writer who can really write anything he/she wants, and let them go on to write whatever. If the results are poor, well, we again see the strengths of the writer. I say this because there have been few X-Men stories in the last twenty years that I've read and have actually cared about, so let's get down to what makes an X-Men story good.

One word: evolution.

Now, evolution in and of itself isn't necessary a good or bad thing; it's not the sword, it's the swordsman. Anyone could write an X-Men story that breaks the mold, but does that mean it's in a good way? Anyone could write a classic-feeling X-Men story, but does that mean we need it? We certainly don't need another Wolverine-goes-and-finds-himself-and-digs-for-the-past story. Those are things of the past; we got that with Origin and New X-Men: Assault On Weapon Plus. Going back and telling stories with Wolverine, featuring the Canadian mutant who isn't actually Canadian in his past years, could work by giving us more Wolverine at any point in the timeline. Wolverine is one of the few characters you could throw into any genre because he's been alive since the 1800s. Almost 200 years old, James Howlett has seen it all, and as Old Man Logan is demonstrating, still has more to see. But another thing is this: if you're writing Wolverine, you really should be bringing your A-game, or you're just telling another Wolverine story. Mark Millar, I think, understands Wolverine to the degree that his big idea mindset is to throw Wolverine in the path of anything and having fun with it. See Enemy of the State. And that's cool. Throwing Wolverine into the path of more ninjas isn't by definition cool anymore, because how many times have we seen that? A whole bunch. You've got to bring something cool to the mix or it's going to fall apart.

Grant Morrison, brought a whole bunch of new ideas to X-Men and let them go crazy. But he had a point, a method, and while he stretched his imagination and the way we read comics, he kept his storyline simple: what are mutants? And to further conceptualize this, Joss Whedon continued that line of thinking with Astonishing X-Men, and not only brought back Colossus, but gave us new ways to view Professor X and a truly dangerous Danger Room. If you need a better example of how to break the X-Men out of the mold, Astonishing X-Men: Dangerous is the best way to go.

Ed Brubaker captured my attention with his work on X-Men, as did Mike Carey, Kyle and Yost, Peter David, and currently Warren Ellis. Warren Ellis is mostly hit or miss with me (see Thunderbolts), and can meander from point to point, but his run on Astonishing thus far is just as entertaining and full of high-brow thought as anything in Morrison's New X-Men. Why? Because he's breaking the mold and putting the X-Men through their paces with something random, off the wall, and totally fucking cool. But cool doesn't cut the mustard on its own. I've attempted to read Claremont and Byrne's work, and in retrospect it doesn't hold up so well. I think it's known mostly for killing Jean Grey, and the Phoenix story. That's fine; that's a classic story. It's certainly not aged well from a storytelling standpoint, but it's classic. So of course we hold it up and go "GOLD STANDARD!" Anybody could write that story these days; but it's old and grey and classic, so we revere it. I say "pah!" and move on. Look at the Onslaught story by Jeph Loeb and the Age of Apocalypse story by various. AoA was something wicked at the time, and I admit I was hooked when I was thirteen, but come on: really? That was such a product of 90's thought as to be so ludicrous by today's standards. And House of M: really? Seriously? With three words, Wanda Maximoff has damned all mutantkind? Really? It just works that way? And Chuck Austen reducing Magneto's biggest threat into "It WAS Xorn, he just thought he was Magneto!"? My god. Listen, Magneto should be retired. I mean it, he should die of old age and retire. At this point, he's, what, seventy? Eighty? And is still considered a huge threat to the X-Men? His entire point is that the horrors of the Nazi occupation could ring true with mutantkind, demonstrated by his escape from Auschwitz as a young man. Magneto, at ninety some odd years old, is far too old to be any threat to anyone. But the problem is that he isn't; by comic book aging, he's spritely enough to still "MU HU HA HA" and threaten. And his powers no longer work! Magneto is an example of Marvel's inability to look at their own realism: he's ninety and he's kicking the X-Men's ass. No. He should be dead because Wolverine killed him in New X-Men: Planet X, except that that was Xorn, and Magneto was...where again? I don't know. I ignored it because it hurt my brain too much to try and figure out why he wasn't dead. Essentially, Magneto is Marvel's cash cow, and one of their coolest villains, so somehow he had to come back. Just like Sabretooth will at some point, and so will Jean Grey. Because that's what happens with the X-Men: the status quo must be.

Let's look at Joy Division in comparison to the X-Men. Ian Curtis kills himself, and the band reformats inself as New Order, and we get "Blue Monday." Evolution. Jean Grey dies and we get new stories. Except that Jean Grey comes back. Ian Curtis never came back. We get Joy Division covers all the time, but Ian Curtis never came back. You see what I'm saying? Why, out of all the mainstream comic books on the market, does X-Men continually come back to the well and drag out old characters that should have gone by the wayside years ago? Magneto, Jean Grey, Professor fucking X, all should be dead. Jean is still dead, thank god, but how long can that truly last? Consider Hope Summers, the fucking Messiah X Baby. Green eyes, red hair, just like lil' Rachel Summers, who is the current Phoenix retainer. So long as we keep Rachel and this new Hope in the books, there'll be no need for Jean. Seeing Colossus come back, that was alright, and while I wish dead were dead, Whedon wrote that scene so amazingly well that I couldn't help but smile and say "You know what, all fucking right!" Kitty Pryde, Lost In Space, that's a bitch, tho. That's one that has an out, but that's gonna be a hell of a stretch to bring her back.

Look, we don't need X-Babies or X-Traction Team. We don't need another 90's explosion of X-Books. I think that going back and redefining what the X-Men are while still moving forward would be a great idea. Messiah Complex was a great story, the first really good X-Men story I've read in a long time, and I plan on buying the trade at some point. If we had great writers doing that all the time, fuckin' A. That would really bring the X-Books back to greatness. Not "Sex and Violence" or "X-Infernus" or Chris fucking-kiss-my-ass-you-old-sod Claremont. Real, honest to god writers with a breath of fresh air in them.

Put any writer on X-Men and let them go nuts, and if it's a good story, that's the mark of a good writer. The potenial is so there, but the bar is set high.

EDIT: Thanks to ERIC RUPE for reminding me that Onslaught was created by Scott Lobdell, not Jeph Loeb. Loeb is still a bad writer, though.

Reviews: 10.22.08 (er, posted 10.23)

FINAL CRISIS #4
Written by Grant Morrison
Art by J.G. Jones and Carlos Pacheco

If you've not been following FINAL CRISIS thus far, here's a quick recap: the New Gods have died, leaving only their Apokolipian bretheren, who are all becoming "reborn" within human bodies. As this is happening, a man named Libra has assembled the villains of the universe to unite together to serve a greater purpose, and any villains not going along are shunted aside. Libra systematically removed the Martian Manhunter and Superman from the game board, while the Dark Side club has captured Batman and Detective Dan Turpin, who houses the spirit of Darkseid himself. To top it all off, once-dead Barry Allen has returned from particle vaporization, and he and Wally West have leapt forward in time a month to discover that the Dark Side club has unleashed the Anti-Life Equation through every communication device on Earth, subjugating the populace who have viewed it. Anyone who's turned away from it is hunted down, and on top of that humans and metahumans alike are being transformed into "justifiers" and are policing the world. Among them is Wonder Woman, who leads a team of furies, of which are Batwoman, Catwoman, and Giganta, and are currently facing down Barry and Wally.

Okay. That's summing it up as simply as possible.

Holy shit.

FINAL CRISIS #4 opens with the Ray beaming the Tattooed Man into the Hall of Justice, pulling him away from Justifiers outside, led by Black Lightning. Green Arrow isn't happy about a villain in the hall, but it turns out that T-Man was working undercover for Black Lightning before the hero was turned. Meanwhile, the Ray uses his power to connect the seven safehouses around the world to communicate one last time before they're shut down permanently. There's a strike force preparing to attack Bludhaven, where the Dark Side club is located, and now they just need the resources. Back to the Flashes, Barry and Wally make quick work of the Furies before taking off to search for their families. And finally, Dan Turpin, who's been fighting off the influence of Darkseid for a whole month appears to be finally losing his will, and Darkseid is coming to power.

Holy shit.

A lot of flack has been given to the series for unintelligible content and metaphysical references. Hell, some people have been hating on it simply because Grant Morrison is writing it or because DC is the house of evil. Whatever reasons given, there can be no doubt about one thing: the DCU is clearly fucked. Darkseid's presence is being felt everywhere, from Earth to the cosmos (where one of the Gods, Granny Goodness, has infiltrated the Green Lantern Corps), and it seems that there's literally no way out of this. No Superman, no Batman, and Wonder Woman's a Fury. That spells doom. And Darkseid hasn't even appeared yet! Morrison is truly ramping up the idea that there's nothing, not a single thing the heroes could do to save the day, and I'm beginning to believe it. Aside from the fact that DC's released solicitations into the new year, I have doubts that the world will survive. How could it? With this much planning, execution, and complete sadistic force, evil has already won.

There were a couple of scenes that stood out to me. One was Green Arrow's sacrifice. No, he's not dead, but possibly worse than that, as he stays behind as Black Canary and the others escape the Hall of Justice and Arrow holds back the Justifiers. Bad ass scene, one that elevates Ollie a little bit in my book. It was very much an Armageddon scene in that the main character stays behind to save the others. While cliche in a sense, the way Morrison went about it made it so cool and so bittersweet. And the other scene was where Iris Allen, Barry's wife, is seen under the influence of the Anti-Life, but Barry arrives, and with a kiss he pulls her out of the trance. That was romantic in the classical and literal sense; the white knight saves the princess with a simple kiss. Of course, there were Flash lighning bolts in the background, so maybe more was at work. Either way, it made my heart hurt, which is something that Morrison is getting good at. Finally, the last page (standard in the series thus far) provided the chilling cliffhanger of the month, and next issue stands poised to deliver nothing but the total annihilation of Earth.

The art was on fire, Jones' best stuff since the first issue, and Pacheco's art blended in almost seamlessly. I had to go back and forth multiple times after the first read to identify who drew what, and you can tell that they both worked really hard to match their styles as best as possible, a labor considering how different their work really looks in other books. One poster on Newsarama, BlindMessiah, noted that the only different he could tell was the coloring was brighter in Pacheco's sections, and he's on the money. Otherwise the book was solid with the art. Very, very solid considering how messy it might have looked.

So Earth is doomed, the Multiverse is doomed, and everyone's just screwed in general. Great. THIS is the kind of situation where I just can't figure out how the hell it's going to go, regardless of soliciations, and that's exactly the reason I'm loving this book. High concept, high quality, high fives all around. This is the kind of product DC needs to raise their stars in the industry, however, with all the currently controversy surrounding J.G. Jones, FINAL CRISIS, and Dan DiDio, one has to wonder if this book will help DC or hurt it in the long run.

Either way, this is the best event book from the past three years.

Overall: 5/5



SUPERMAN: NEW KRYPTON SPECIAL
Written by Geoff Johns, James Robinson, and Sterling Gates
Art by Gary Frank and Jon Sibal, Renato Guedes and Wilson Magalháes, and Pete Woods

Oh. My. God.

Oh my god.

OH MY GOD!

This is what you will be saying when you hit the final page of NEW KRYPTON SPECIAL (henceforth known as NKS). It's shocking, amazing, and revelatory. But there's pages before it, so let's get to looking.

The comic opens with Jonathan Kent's funeral in Smallville, direct from the events of ACTION COMICS. Clark Kent delivers a eulogy, then daydreams of breaking into the prison where Brainiac is being held and beating the alien despot to death. He's angry, Clark Kent is, he's angry and despondent and unsure of what to do or where to go from here. Cue flashback montage of some of Pa Kent's wisdom over the years, and Superman fills himself with a little more hope. Then, in a mysterious underground bunker, a group of scientists find out the hard way that Brainiac is still dangerous, even while inert, and a character named Assassin takes out Brainiac temporarily while a shadowy figure must find more scientists to examine Brainiac. Then, in Kandor, Superman has a hard time dealing with the Kryptonians and getting them to understand that Earth isn't just New Krypton, it's a planet that they all have to share and learn to co-exist on. Kara shows up and is reunited with her parents, a Kandorian shows off a blue whale he's killed because it "threatened" him, and Superman is beginning to have doubts about introducing the Kryptonians to Earth. Finally, a certain super-scientist whose name rhymes with "Sex Suthor" receives the call to examine a certain alien super-computer despot. And it's who contacts Luthor that's the big surprise of the big.

Johns, Robinson, and Gates set up the main beats of the coming Superfamily stories. Dealing with Pa's death, Jimmy Olsen knowing too much about a certain government project, Supergirl getting to know her parents again, and the Brainiac resolution. Someone is hiding something from Lois Lane, and it just might be her sister. Something is clearly wrong with Ma Kent, and it just might be that it's her husband's death taking the life out of her. And out of all of this, Zor-El makes mention that the Kryptonians of Kandor might just be wandering out on their own to meet Earth, not vice versa. Considering what happened to the blue whale, a scary thought indeed. Each of those writers clearly has set goals and thoughts for their own books and the story as a whole, especially Johns, whose work on last year's SINESTRO CORPS WAR set the standard for the mini-event along with Marvel's MESSIAH COMPLEX. If the one-shot is any indicator, NEW KRYPTON will end up being the Superman story of the decade. The artwork fluctuates between the artists, but I must admit that I'm a huge fan of Gary Frank, and wished he'd have done the whole book. That's no slight against Guedes and Woods, both artists are excellent, as showcased in the trade SUPERMAN: UP, UP, AND AWAY! If Guedes stays on SUPERMAN, and Woods does more Super-work, this is going to be nothing if not a pretty storyarc.

As a stand-alone, NKS is a must-buy. As a lead-in, it's essential. For that final page alone, this is the book of the week. Buy it or die, but if you die, come back as a zombie and buy it anyway. There's life in this one, folks.

Overall: 5/5

EDIT: Eagle-eyed readers will noticed that, yes, that's BRUCE WAYNE at Pa Kent's funeral, standing off to the side in the shadows, coat whipping in the wind. Took me two reads to realize who that was, as no one states exactly who it is. Am I reading into it? Maybe. But it makes sense. Johns FTW!

Grant Morrison Moderates a Presidential Debate

"When the superluminal dimensional barrier shatters, leaking Bleed ubermenstruum into our world, and other worlds of the multiverse, how will you handle the shadow demons, and quite possibly a further collapse of other alternate parallel realities into this one? And secondly, will you endorse the use of fictionsuits for gay couples to at least pretend they can be married?"

"To be honest, Grant, I'm a maverick. And I don't believe in pulling out of anything I'm in the middle of, you understand what I'm saying? That said, my running partner, Sarah Palin, she lives in Alaska. She can see the Bleed from her house. And if anyone knows how to handle a leaking Bleed, it's a woman. That's why Sarah Palin and myself know that in order to keep America the shining light of the world, of freedom and democracy, we need to be prepared to handle any ubermenstuum spillage with the soft, gentle lining of America's army. America must always be at the forefront of the battle to protect our nations, to maintain that shining light for the rest of the world to see. Sarah Palin raised two children on her own, she's more than capable of keeping that sweet ass of hers at my side for a little interdimensional battle with Shadow Demons.

"As for those gay people, we'll feed them to the Demons first."

"There's a change coming, Grant. And we need to understand that in order to embrace this change, we're going to have to learn to erase the lines that divide the dimensions. There's no black, white, Earth-2 or 616. We're all in this together.

"That being said, any attacks on our borders must be met with equal force. And while our intentions will be diplomatic, the best offense is a good defense. We need to keep the peace at all costs, but sometimes the dark side will come calling, and when they do, we will be prepared for them. Senator Biden and myself have had lengthy discussions as to the very situation you've described, and while an interdimensional war is not good for anyone, there are times where it cannot be avoided. The Bleed will run rampant, and we will have to repair it for the good of our people, and for the good of all America.

"On the subject of gays, I have no problems with gay marriage. But if I had my way, I'd have the world's lesbians hit the TrimSpa hard, get some fake boobies, and make out on the White House lawn in red, white and blue thongs. That's the American way."